29: Awake!

Chapter 29 of "A River Trembles", Book Two of The Môrdreigiau Chronicles

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The story began in A Grail for Eidothea. You really need to catch up to make sense of A River Trembles. Go on, save this post and go have a binge read. You deserve it.

Gossip is rife regarding Emrys and Eidothea’s devotion to each other at the trial. Eidothea tried to talk Emrys into staying on in some sort of leadership role. Llyr woke, all barriers down, putting Eidothea in a most discomforting state.

:Llyr.: She spoke but one word. It held such emotional weight, even with the shielding spell in place.

:Ondine says it will be a while until I am fully healed. Can you wait to see me until then?:

I sensed her confusion. :Yes… yes, of course. I will check in with Ondine so as not to disturb you.:

Oh, so she tiptoes around me? :Ondine’s resting, Leave her be for today.:

:Yes, yes, of course,: Eidothea murmured. :I am so grateful you have come back to us. How do you feel?:

:Wrung out,: I told her honestly. She knew the extent of my injuries and probably knew every one of my feelings better than I. :Mother caught me up on … well, everything.:

:Everything?: I felt her concern as if it was my own. :There are some wild rumours going around. I just had to deal with some yesterday.:

:Wild rumours?: I buried a surge of hope, although she witnessed every emotion. Had Mother been wrong about Eidothea and Emrys?

:Nothing to worry about. I will tell you when I see you.: She paused. :I know, I should tell you now. There are rumours that the Esteemed and I are courting.:

:I heard you called him Emrys.: I attempted to bank down the annoyance rising from my jealousy but I wasn’t sure I succeeded.

:I did, but he is my mentor.: Eidothea made a dismayed incoherent noise. :It is not true, Llyr. He and I have learned to work together.:

:That isn’t all of it.: I felt her guilt.

:No,: she admitted. :The rest will keep until you are stronger.:

I felt a dissonance in her love-feelings. Were they not for me? :We cannot control our feelings.: I knew I sounded dismal when I said it.

:I am not in love with Emrys,: Eidothea replied in an oppressive tone. :I am … I am just glad you are recovering.: She sounded like she meant it.

But she hid something from me, even while being open in other ways. :Eidothea, I knew you wouldn’t rest until you heard from me, but this … is tiring.: I hated to admit it.

:When can I see you?: She sounded eager, hopeful.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she did feel that love for me. :I will let you know. You’ve seen me worse, but… please give me a few days at least.:

I felt her concern grow and then soften under her shielding spell. :Do not worry about me. I would be there today but … I will come to you when you are ready.:

The Esteemed gave strict word not to be disturbed. He even had a guard posted at the end of the hallway for the rest of the day.

I couldn’t sleep. Who could knowing what I did? Emrys needed to hear this and who knew what excuse he would give tomorrow? I’d replayed our last meeting. I’d heard the love-longing in his voice and the frustration. And why had he said he wished I could love him like that? Me?

Neither of us had forgotten that night. It had woken a need in him. Yet I could never be the one who warmed his heart. Gorawyn was dead and I wouldn’t replace her, nobody could. He must miss her so much.

I stepped out into the hallway. Perhaps a walk would clear my head.

No guard stood either outside his door or at either end of the hallway.

I stared at his door. Dare I? It would be tantamount to declaring my interest in him, that I wanted him.

I sucked in a breath. It would not be a lie, I did want him, impossible as that was. I couldn’t ask him to come out. Not when he might not answer.

Sighing I crossed the hall and tapped on the door. With no response, I tapped again. I tried the handle, the door moving easily at my touch. :Esteemed, it’s Rhiannon. I need to tell you something.:

I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. Emrys stood midway between his bedchamber door and me. His long long hair hung loose over his shoulder and his loosely belted robe. He ran a hand across his mouth. :I have been waiting for you to cross my threshold, Rhiannon. I had hoped our time working together—:

I took a step back. :You are mistaken! That’s not why I’m here.:

:No?: he drawled, advancing. :You know you are declaring yourself for me.:

I blushed, feeling heat surge across my cheeks and chest. :You wouldn’t listen earlier. It’s about Gorawyn.:

Emrys made an explosive noise in my mind. :Gorawyn is dead. Whatever you have learned, it can wait.:

He pulled me to him, his hand finding the back of my neck. I stared at him, saw his gaze lower to my lips. I couldn’t help but follow suit. He drew my head to his, his lips whisper soft across mine. They didn’t demand, but promised. He cradled my head while he planted one soft kiss after another until my lips parted. Our kiss deepened.

I fantasised about pushing him back through the antechamber, to his bed. Instead, I pushed him away, my hand rising to cover my mouth. :I didn’t come here for this.:

Emrys’ gills pulsed. His gaze bore into me, all heat and annoyance. :I gave strict word not to be disturbed, and yet here you are. If it is not to become my lover—:

:I know who killed Gorawyn.: I had to stop him talking. If I heard his declaration then the evening would be lost and … that wouldn’t be so bad, would it?

:By the Lady, Rhiannon. You have the worst timing.:

I knew it. I sat myself on a padded coral chair. :The poison garden is Lady Angharad’s.:

:Poison garden?:

I described my visit with the botanist, who had recognised that all the plants had been poisonous and further had deep enough knowledge to match a vine that had been in the garden with the clues left on Gorawyn’s body. :The clawed hands,: I thought, :are a sign of her slow asphyxiation.:

:By Morgaine.: He groaned, sitting opposite me and covering his face. I waited for him to recover. He looked up. :You’re sure of this.:

:I can find another botanist to correlate the details. Lady Angharad showed me her memory of Gorawyn’s body herself. She must have thought I wouldn’t figure it out. I just hope Gorawyn was dead before the sharks found her.: Given Lady Angharad’s recent acts, I wasn’t so sure of that.

Emrys’ expression mirrored my fears.

:She knew I was looking into her death. Lady Angharad’s in chains now. Why not ask her?:

He nodded. :Leave it with me.: He looked at me with an empty, cold expression. :Return to your chamber, Rhiannon. You have done good work. I’ll take it from here.:

With reluctance I rose. I stood, staring at him, wanting him, wondering if it were not too late to make my fantasy come true. Emrys rose, striding to a small desk and sitting at it. I had terrible timing indeed.

I bowed my head and left.

:You could have died.: Ondine and I sat in the atrium. With Cychwr’s help, I’d stumbled and staggered from my bedchamber. It had been a few days since I’d woken.

:What?: I rubbed my aching head.

:In a way, you were dead.: Ondine rested her head against the back of the stone couch. Very little colour remained in her drawn, sombre face. :Eidothea couldn’t sense you at all through your bond.:

:The block—:

:The one you haven’t had the energy to raise again?: Ondine might be tired but little sister couldn’t resist the jab. :Listen to me, Llyr. You breathed, your heart beat, your body healed, but your animating soul was absent.:

I decided never to tell anyone about the strange dreams I’d had while I slept.

Ondine continued. :If I knew how Berlewen Grealseeker used her grym bwyd to restore Eidothea to health, I would have used all of mine. Maeve refused to reveal the secret. I wasn’t your only healer, Llyr. My chief tended to you as well as several other healers.:

:Why are you telling me this now?:

:Two reasons. First, it explains your weakness. Your muscles are fine. Your soul has forgotten how to use them. Second, don’t do such an idiotic thing again.: Her face scrunched up, a harbinger of impending tears.

:I don’t remember what I did.: I could at least hold my head upright. What would it be like if I couldn’t even do that? I shuddered.

:Mother and Cychwr told you. You went mad trying to rescue Eidothea during the attack.:

I grimaced. :She’s our monarch. Anyone would have done the same, if they knew.:

:Cychwr knew.: My sister’s distress radiated through her thought. Her lower lip trembled.

:Ondine…: I warned. :I can’t undo it now.:

My sister wrung her hands. :You and she put him into such danger. Didn’t you think to keep your friend safe?:

Cychwr looked up from the couch opposite. :You’re talking about me.:

Ondine thoroughly denied it. While she did I told him, :She’s worried I put you in too much danger.:

Cychwr rose and crouched at Ondine’s feet. She looked a bit startled. He laid a hand on her knee. I wished myself out of the room, and would have left had I been able. I looked away. I couldn’t hear their conversation but I at least gave them a little privacy.

Eidothea entered, saw the little tableau, and paused in the doorway. She examined me from head to toe. :Should we leave those two alone?: she asked, nodding toward Ondine and Cychwr, oblivious to her presence.

:As her older brother, I insist we stay.: I grinned, hoping she wouldn’t see through my sport to my deception.

Her eyebrow rose. She found a seat on the low table in front of me. She bent forward, taking my hands. I didn’t stop her, couldn’t, in fact. :You have been struggling lately.: She glanced aside at Ondine who’d noticed her presence. Cychwr shifted to sit on the table also. :Is the healing not going well?:

:Don’t tell her.: I sent Ondine a quelling look.

:You know how badly he was injured,: Ondine said. :It will take time.:

:What of the Greal? It helped me heal. Can it not help him? We are both bonded, so if I knew the healing spell…:

:I thought of that. Maeve said the same two people could only use it like that once,: Ondine told me. :I had expended all my strength in healing Llyr and she thought this might be something not even the Greal could heal, only time.:

:Besides,: I put in, :we agreed no more binding people into the Chosen Court until after the Great Examination. I will heal, it’s taking a little longer, that’s all.:

Eidothea straightened, picking at her robe. :You have seen Maeve.: Was that jealousy I sensed from her?

Ondine picked up on that undercurrent. :Who could deny Maeve anything?:

:She came, made sure I understood what she’d said and left.: Maeve had not spared me in her chastising for being unable to dismantle the blocking spell.

Eidothea nodded, continuing to pick at her robe. :Good,: she murmured. :I am glad of it.:

:You knew.: I murmured in surprise.

Eidothea met my gaze. :Of course I knew. We are not to wall ourselves off any more.:

I hadn’t told Maeve and I wasn’t going to tell Eidothea that I couldn’t block her. :It’s not too uncomfortable for you?:

She squirmed in her seat. :No. It is different, but it is comforting.:

:Comforting.: I leaned back and successfully prevented myself from keeling over. :That’s all?:

She glanced at my sister and Cychwr. We’d included them in our exchange. :I … Should there be anything else? Knowing you are alive and healing is enough. I don’t dare ask for more.:

Not after she’d gone and fallen in love with that Jasper. Not after she’d almost lost the Greal. Not after she nearly lost her life twice and I nearly lost mine? I felt her grief and guilt as much as I felt my own anger and disappointment. More than the Greal bound us now, and it also separated us.

I wanted to tell her none of what happened mattered any more, that I didn’t hate her. Only one thing held me back: the physical inability to take her into my arms. Perhaps when I stopped flopping about like a dying fish.

Eidothea rose. I’d been silent too long. I started to lift my hand to stop her, but saw its tremors and let it drop to my side.

:You look tired, Llyr,: Eidothea said. :I won’t disturb you any longer. We need to set a date for the Great Examination, but you need to be strong enough for that.: She looked to Ondine. :Will you let me know when I may visit again?:

Ondine stood. :But—:

Eidothea shook her head as if she tried to dislodge something. Her confused expression told me she didn’t know what to make of the heartache she felt from me. I had the same confusion. Did I feel my own pain at putting Eidothea at a distance, or did I feel hers?

She bowed and left, leaving an uneasy eddy behind her.

:Why didn’t you—: Ondine started, rounding on me.

:Don’t you know what she did for you?: Cychwr interrupted. He sent me memories of he and Eidothea acting as makeshift mattresses for my body to keep it off the icy dungeon floor. He replayed for me her angry demands of her gaolers, of her refusing to leave me when Angharad threatened her life. :If Maeve hadn’t turned up, Eidothea would have died.:

I shivered. And couldn’t stop shivering.

:You two are of the same cloth,: muttered Cychwr. :Neither of you can admit how you feel.:

:Because I don’t know what are my feelings and what are hers.: I hugged myself. :Why can’t I stop shivering?: My thought sounded faint, even to me. :Ondine?:

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