20: Strive for the Mark

Chapter 20 of "A River Trembles", Book Two of The Môrdreigiau Chronicles

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The story began in A Grail for Eidothea. You really need to catch up to make sense of A River Trembles. Go on, save this post and go have a binge read. You deserve it.

Emrys and Rhiannon join her on the trip back to her family home. Jasper is not dead. Eidothea reads Jasper’s confession. (You’ll probably want to read it too.)

With shaking hands, I lowered Jasper’s confession. I felt his fear, heartbreak and shame.

“He only wanted the Greal. He did not mean—” I hid my face and sobbed.

My father hugged my shoulders. “Misguided as it was, he tried to protect you.”

I faced him. He stared at me in bafflement. “He still hurt me.” I could not let that go, not when I had been hanging onto that anger and betrayal for months.

“Not intentionally,” Father said. “He tried to save you from Ladon. That is why I let him stay. Even when he reminded me of what he had done to you.”

Rubbing at my temples, I said, “I supposed I should see him. I need to check to see if he has a Chosen Mark.” I got to my feet, swaying a little.

“You all have one? How many are in this Chosen Court?”

“Four so far, but we have not yet held the Great Examination. As for the mark, each one in the Chosen Court has one that reflects their role in the Court.” I loosened the string that gathered my bodice at the neck and tugged aside the strap to my stays. “Do you see it?”

Father frowned. “I see a faint blue glow?” He pulled the strap back into place and gathered the fabric below my neck. “What did that Esteemed man mean when he said you were taking over?”

“When the Court has been gathered, I will become the dreigiau môr queen. I only see visions when they are connected to the members of my court. My prophet Llyr will see more visions to guide our way.”

Father stared at me. “You have grown up, I think.” He blinked. His forehead creased but he smiled. “Go change into fresh clothing,” he advised. “I can see the mould from here. Then you may go get your answers from Mr. Tregallas.”

Emrys and Rhiannon lingered outside. Emrys gestured with his head toward the front door. “I found him sitting outside.” He inclined his head. “We’ll be back for you. Don’t take too long.”

I nodded and hastened upstairs. I managed to dress by myself, changing into a simple round gown.

Jenni burst in before I got too far. “You have come back!” She engulfed me in a hug. “What happened to you? Mr. Pendyr said only that you’d stayed in Bath and then that you had drowned.”

He had chosen not to make Jasper’s actions public. “My wedding trousseau was not ready. I followed later. I fell overboard, was hurt and well, here I am.”

“Did that gorgeous man I saw in the hall rescue you?”

I smiled at her description and the lack of mention of Rhiannon, a beautiful woman in her own right. “No, but he is helping me now.”

“Are you here to stay?” Jenni bustled around me.

“A visit only,” I told her, feeling a pang of regret at her downcast face. “Is Aunt here? I forgot to ask Father.”

Jenni shook her head. “She stayed in Bath.” She leaned closed to me while she fastened the buttons on the back of my dress. “Your Jasper is here.” I jerked forward. She saw and felt my violent reaction. “What is wrong?” she asked. “Do you like that handsome man now?”

“No, but Jasper is no longer my fiancé,” I replied. “I suppose I should see him.”

“Your hair is all in a tangle. It will take a few more minutes.”

I sat under her confident hands until she achieved a suitable hairstyle, with still damp ringlets framing my face.

I pushed up from the dressing table. I glanced around, seeing the room for the first time since I entered. A coat hung by the door, a man’s razor and strap lay next to the wash basin.

I turned to Jenni, incredulous. “He sleeps in my bed?”

“He missed you so much.” She nodded. “Go see him.”

I stepped out the front door, inhaling the warm air, heady with rose, jasmine and other floral scents. I’d last seen the garden in the spring. The leaves just budding then were now in full leaf and branches bowed with the weight of blossoms. Here Jasper and I had agreed to a false engagement in order to pursue the Greal together and avoid ostracism by the village.

The sun in my eyes, I made out Jasper’s seated figure leaning against our cottage’s whitewashed stone wall. I stepped toward him, raising my hand to block the sunlight. Leaves crunched under my boots.

I stilled, shocked. I recognised his auburn curls but the rest of him? His nose had lost its former straight line. Bumps marked where the nose had been broken and not set. Red streaks of recently healed wounds marked his forehead, cheeks and chin. A few still had scabs on them. Crutches rested beside his chair. The bones in his wrist seemed huge. He had lost a tremendous amount of weight.

“You came back,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I am ready to die.”

I bit my lip and knelt down, resting my hand on his knee. “The Esteemed will not kill you.”

He sucked in a breath. “Are you taunting me with your voice now, Eidothea?” His voice cracked in despair. His eyes blinked open, slow to focus. “Am I dreaming?”

“I live. I survived. I did not die.” I watched him see me, his emotions flying across his face. I did not need a bond to understand his mingled surprise, relief … and fear. That he should be afraid of me… My voice broke. “Oh, Jasper.”

He drew in a shuddering breath. “Oh God, I am so sorry, Eidothea, so sorry.” Tears streamed down his face.

I leaned forward, brushing the tears from his ruined cheeks. “Oh, Jasper, Jasper.” I kept repeating his name in a low moan. I wanted to hold him, reassure him, stung by his grief and remorse but my own pain held me back.

Jasper grabbed my hands, pulling me to him until we were nose to nose. He stared intently into my face. “You must not tell your father what I did to you. I have nowhere else to go.”

I extricated my hands, sitting back. “He already knows. He knows everything. As do I.”

“How do you both know everything?” Jasper shook his head, his unkempt auburn curls stuttering across his temples. “I have kept everything close to my heart.”

I brushed his curls off his forehead, my fingers moving of their own volition. “Except when drunk. You even wrote out a confession. Father has it. I have read it.” The memory of betrayal injected ice into my voice.

He processed this in silence. “You have returned. You cannot possibly forgive what I have done.” He hung his head, avoiding my gaze. “There is no place for me here.” He groaned. “I am even sleeping in your bed.”

“I do not need it. My place is in Caer Morgana now. I will not be staying.” As I said the words, the ache in my heart deepened. My old life was behind me now. “My father knew what you had done and let you stay here, let you live. I do the same.”

He grabbed my hand again with both of his, leaning forward, looking down into my eyes. “Do you forgive me?”

I pulled my hands free. “It is too soon to say. I have been certain for so long that you betrayed me, that your goal was to steal the Greal from me. To know that it was a misguided attempt to protect me… I am still too angry. Seeing you like this, given that I survived, you have suffered much.”

His lip curled. “I do not want your pity.”

“Too bad.”

He stared out at the ocean, sparkling beyond the cliff’s edge. His hands clenched on his thighs. “Do you have the Greal?”

I heard his despair. I covered his hands with mine, feeling the hard bumps of ill-mended bones. I chafed them. “I have it,” I told him, my tone softening. “All was not lost. The Chosen Court is forming.”

“Mmm.” His tears faded with long slow exhale. He fixed his gaze on me. “You are the Prophet,” he said with fresh intensity. “That is why you cannot stay.”

I would tell him the truth soon. “You know then, how I knew what you would do to me.”

He winced. “I wish you had told me.”

“I was afraid of you. For the first time, I feared you.” Tears rose and I swallowed them down. I would not cry in front of him. “I was right to fear.”

“I hate that. I hate that you fear me, though I deserve it.” He shook his head, his hands trembling beneath mine. “I was wrong not to trust you. I should have found you, told you Ladon was on board and we could have made a plan. I failed you, Eidothea. I failed our love.”

I slipped my hands free of his. “Yes, you did. You broke my heart, Jasper Tregallas. I will never love like that again.”

Jasper refused to look at me. “Nor will I.” He waved a hand over his figure. “Who would have me?” He did not laugh.

I inhaled sharply. My heart answered yes to his question, but I refused to tell him a part of me possibly still wanted him, possibly still loved him. I kept silent for I feared another betrayal. My soft heart renewed my anger. I glanced out at the sea, trying to resume control of myself. “I came here for a reason, Mr. Tregallas. I am not the prophet. Come inside if you want to know more.” It would give me a little time to master my unruly emotions.

He released my hand and struggled to reach his crutch. I moved to help but he waved me off. “I can manage. I will follow you in.”

I rose, brushing the dirt from my gown. I headed to the door, turning back to see him hobble. One leg dragged and the other barely supported him.

It hurt to look at him so broken. I turned away, swallowing the urge to rush to his aid. Instead, I went ahead of him to the small front parlour, choosing the sofa.

Jasper stood in the doorway, leaning heavily on his crutches.

I patted the sofa cushion next to me. “Join me here.”

“You want me that close to you?” He shuffled over and sat, grabbing the sofa arm as he went down. “You had a vision of me … harming you.” He spoke the words with reluctance. “If you are not the prophet, how did that happen?”

“As Queen, when I touch a Chosen Mark, I see a glimpse of the future or the past.” My fingertips rested over mine, concealed by the strap of my stays. “Otherwise I do not have visions.”

Jasper stared at me. “You think I might—might be Chosen? But I am not dreigiau môr.” He looked frightened by the possibility.

“It does not matter. Some members in the earliest Chosen Court chose not to become dreigiau môr. You are not wholly human either.”

Jasper twisted away, shoulders trembling. “How can I be in the same Court when I betrayed you?”

I clasped my hands tighter, looking down at them. My head spun with my fear of betrayal, from longing to comfort him in my arms, from wanting to hit him for being unable to trust me. “I wonder that myself. But if the Goddess calls, then we must follow.” I prided myself that I sounded a little like Maeve.

“How do you find out whether I am?” He still could not look at me.

I glanced at him and found the plaster statue of a peacock more interesting. “I need to check behind your ears. Your Chosen Mark, if it is there, will be near one of them. May I?”

He nodded. I slid closer. I caught his scent of sea and earth. It had changed. It reminded me of the beach at low tide, the smell of dying seaweed and small creatures. “Eidothea?” Jasper prompted.

I met his gaze and saw his quizzical expression. “If you could turn your head.” He obeyed and I tugged his left ear forward to see behind it. “I see a mark.” I squinted. “It is not a sword. Is it a hook? A question mark?” My fingers hovered above his skin. “I really should have this verified.”

“How?”

“Only my prophet and I can see the mark before the Court binding occurs.” I rose and rang the bell left on the side table.

Jenni appeared. “Yes, miss?”

I smiled. “I have a rather strange request. Could you look behind Mr. Tregallas’ ear. I see something odd there.”

She bustled forward. “What were you doing looking behind his ear?” She shot me a knowing look as she bent over to peer at his scalp. “Nothing but plain skin there, miss, not even a freckle.”

“Thank you.” I dismissed her.

Jasper twisted to face me, an awkward movement because of his damaged legs. “So I’m one of your Chosen Court?”

I could not meet his gaze. “It seems that way.”

“If you touch it now, will it show what has already happened or what is to come?”

“I do not know. You read my diary. My vision did not quite happen the way I saw it. With Llyr, when I touch his Mark I always see the same thing.”

“Touch it again,” he murmured, his voice hoarse.

I made the mistake of looking up at him, of seeing desire and longing, not for me but for my forgiveness. At least, that’s how I understood him.

I shifted closer to him, our knees touching. My fingers slipped behind his ears. I stared into his blue eyes, before my gaze dropped to his lips. Lips that had once kissed me until my senses sizzled.

I leaned closer, unable to ignore my longing for him, despite his betrayal. Before our lips touched, my fingertips traced Jasper’s crooked birth mark.

Hoo … so thoughts about Eidothea’s conflicted thoughts. Should she forgive Jasper? Can she forget his betrayal? Thoughts?? Thoughts about today’s instalment? Comments? Share below or join the Chat!

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