10 Reasons Why This Won’t Be An Audiobook

And to prove it, I’ve recorded this as a voiceover above. Probably the one and only post I will do this with, so enjoy it while it lasts. Or agree with me that audio for The Môrdreigiau Chronicles is a bad idea.

1. Even without the potentially tough Welsh pronunciation (yes, there will be a glossary), I do tend to stumble over my own words, mumble and speak fast, and that would be intrusive to the story telling.

2. Because I would be tempted to do the whole thing mimicking the priest’s accent from The Princess Bride, which is less about the lisp and more about the ramblingness of Anglican sermons.

   

3. Those who lend their voices to audiobooks have a certain training (mostly in acting) to bring an intelligent inquiry to the words. I mean, I’m not saying the intelligence is not already there, just there’s an art to reading aloud well.

4. I tune out audiobooks. Cannot read with them (and I have the same problem with podcasts only there are so many of those if I’ve spaced out on them, I don’t have the time to go back to them). Some of the time it’s because I am more absorbed with the thing I am doing, others I am already 10 plot points ahead in my imagination.

5. I mentioned it in point 1: the Welsh words. Cychwr will sound like I am hawking up the last of the phlegm from Covid (I almost made it to four years Covid-free!). I haven’t been able to get Google Translate to tell me how to pronounce it either.

   

6. This is a free publication. No budget, no narrator. (However, if someone wants to have a go for free… let me know in the comments. Let’s make magic!)

7. Equipment: actually I have one of those cool microphones but I seem to have a feedback hiss I can’t get rid of, which might have more to do with my ancient laptop (it is five or so years old).

8. I got Covid. I’m sure we all expect a dragon to have a gravelly voice, but everybody else? No. (And I know the snot will eventually clear, it was mostly gone by the time I recorded the audio for this, but I am running out of excuses here and I still have two more to go.)

9. Oral storytelling is a whole other ball of wax. If I feel like rewriting The Môrdreigiau Chronicles in the form of the Odyssey or the Iliad, and then recite it dramatically, I’ll let you know.

   

10. Look, this is already a novel, a mixed media journal project (several journals actually), a video project and now you want audio? Come ON. You’re getting this for free!