9: Prickle of Gorse

Chapter 9 of "A River Trembles", Book Two of The Môrdreigiau Chronicles

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The story began in A Grail for Eidothea. You really need to catch up to make sense of A River Trembles. Go on, save this post and go have a binge read. You deserve it.

Llyr declared he isn’t the monarch of a Chosen Court, despite the rumours. With the Esteemed declaring a misunderstanding between the two parties regarding who found or stole the Greal, he announces that a party is in order to give the two sides opportunity to reconcile. The claws are out at the party. The Esteemed asked Eidothea to dance.

I surmised my inexperience might embarrass the family and the Esteemed if I agreed to dance with him.

I bowed. :Alas, I have yet to master any of the dreigiau môr dances, but I will walk about the room with you if that is a suitable alternative?:

:Quite suitable.: He gestured I lead the way and fell in beside me. :Elin and Rhiannon watch you like a hawk,: he murmured. :Understandable with my sister, but no need for concern with me.:

:I suspect they are more concerned I will make some error and embarrass them. I am new to this way of life.:

:I will not trip you up,: he promised. :And I will do my best to keep you out of danger.:

I muffled the thought of his dead Consort, but still he caught some edge of it. I sensed a flash of his pain before he buried it.

Impulsively, I grabbed his hand. :I am sorry. That slipped out.:

I heard the gasp and not only from my grandmother. I had made a mistake in touching the Esteemed. He pulled my hand to his chest and patted it. :You are forgiven. Your grandmother is working hard to help you adjust.: He smiled in her direction.

I fully agreed. :It has been a long time since I have had space or time to breathe. Someone is always with me, except when I am asleep. It stifles—:

His chuckle broke into my tirade. :There is much to absorb. Was it so different for you Above Sea? The stories the bards tell speak of a constricted life for women up there.: We continued to stroll.

:I have been fortunate. My mother encouraged walks along the shore. My favourite path is along the cliffs. The sea winds blow hard and clean. It is like I am washed through and yet also filled. I watch the seals and the birds and sit amongst the prickle of gorse to survey the sky.: This time I caught myself and glanced an apology sidelong. :Apologies, Esteemed. I did not mean to ramble on so.:

:Not at all.: Our hands remained clasped and against his chest. He patted mine again but this time he let his hand rest over mine, a possessive yet light touch. :You paint such an enticing picture.:

I shot him a quick look. He stood maybe a head taller than I, which made him short for a dreigiau môr. Was he serious or mocking me? His pleasant yet masked expression offered no suggestion of the latter possibility. :It is quite a different world to you, I suppose, just as Caer Morgana is so novel to me.:

The Esteemed tapped on my hand. :Ah! Yes, this is why I wished to deepen our acquaintance. It is a novel occasion when a new draig môr arrives from elsewhere. Aside from the restrictions due to your recuperation, how do you like it here?:

:You mean besides being accused of a criminal act?: I blurted. :Or being attacked by another draig môr? Oh, it is just lovely.:

The Esteemed coughed. He glanced down at me. :Yes, other than those things,: he spoke dryly.

I met his gaze and guessed sincerity from his expression. I answered honestly. :It is too soon to know.: I ducked my head in silent apology. :There is so much to learn and become accustomed to. There are still moments when I forget I have gills and try to breathe through my nose.:

:I’d welcome your thoughts when you have gathered them. Say at some future date? You see, we are so used to Caer Morgana being as it is, we do not see what needs fostering or improving.:

:I would not dare to make such suggestions. I can only share what feels odd to me. And that may mean I simply do not understand enough, yet, of dreigiau môr society, nor should I assume that my own Above Sea way is superior.: I added in haste, :In some ways, I see it is already not.:

:I’d still like to hear them.: We walked along in companionable silence. It enabled me to take in the grand space. Enough guests had been invited to provide a buffer between my family and the Tregallases but not so many as to cause an awful crush. I watched them dance, mesmerised by the turns and flow of their movements.

The Esteemed broke into my thoughts. :Your engagement with Jasper Tregallas is not broken? You spoke quite angrily in court about him.:

:Circumstances have prevented my doing so.: I noticed that the caretaker king’s attention upon me had captured that of others and made sure I kept a pleasant smile on my lips. :As soon as I am able to return Above Sea, I will break it off,: I said, quite forgetting Grandmother’s suggestion to break it off with the family here in Caer Morgana. :I no longer need to worry about my reputation there.:

We passed the Tregallas family at that point. I intended them to hear my answer. It did not occur to me until later that the Esteemed wanted them to hear it as well.

:Good luck with that,: snapped Lady Tregallas. :You will have to find him to do so.:

Unaccountably, my heart lifted. He ran away? I turned toward them involuntarily, eager for news of Jasper. For a second, I froze, berating myself for wanting to know. But I needed to know for the Chosen Court’s sake.

:Or it may be easier than you think,: put in Ladon with a sneer. :For he’s probably dead and haunting that button you wear.:

I stifled a sob, grabbing at Jasper’s button beneath my robe. Dead? My heart sank at the news, a lead weight that threatened to drag me down until I puddled on the floor. I could not bear this any more. :Get me out of here, please,: I thought to the Esteemed.

I noticed the Esteemed’s smile did not reach his eyes when he nodded to the Tregallases. He expertly steered me through the dancers. We stepped out into a small verdant courtyard.

:Catch your breath,: he said, releasing my hand and striding a few steps away, giving me much needed privacy.

Staring upward at the translucent skin that protected Caer Morgana from the sea’s wildness, I breathed slow and deep until my heartbeat slowed and the tears faded. I supposed people got over their heartbreaks but right now that felt insurmountable. Everything did, from becoming the Chosen Court monarch to saving the world.

:Have you ever wanted to run away?: I asked the Esteemed.

I felt him move through the water. He stood beside me. :Many times.:

:What stops you?: Did he know I sought a lifeline, a way through the chaos of my heart?

:Knowing Lady Angharad will cause utter chaos if I leave.: His answer startled me and I turned to face him. His hands clasped behind his back, he gazed out at the night. :She has a brilliant mind and could have ruled instead of me. Sometimes I wish she had won the vote. Her resentment has embittered her. Being my assistant is not enough for her.:

:Ah, I will be gentler with her.:

He turned to face me. His grey eyes considered me. :She won’t like that. It’s not a weakness for either of us. I’m not chained to the throne. I do escape to the sea for a few hours now and then. Your grandmother wouldn’t appreciate it, but the occasional escape is not a terrible idea. It may be yet another new world for you, but would you like to join me the next time?:

Alone with him at sea? I bit my lip.  What exactly was he offering? Yet I wanted to accept. Getting to know the Esteemed better might ease the Chosen Court’s return. The bandages had become a severe limitation. I couldn’t transform in his presence as matters stood. :Am I allowed to refuse?:

That startled him. :Of course you are. I thought perhaps … well, that you’d like a temporary reprieve.:

:I would.: I scrambled for an excuse. I could not share my new role with him yet, not until I knew how best to deliver the news. :Having lost my reputation Above Sea, I do not want to lose it below.:

:You haven’t been told of our courtship practices?: He slid away a step.

Pretending not to notice, I replied, :Oh yes, both Llyr ap Peredur and Ondine ferch Peredur have told me about them. But knowing them and living them are two different things. There seems to be a casual … openness outside of hand fasting?: I surveyed the greens of the courtyard rather than look to him for confirmation. I shook my head. :Forgive me, Esteemed. You do not need to advise me on such matters. I will ask Rhiannon.:

He nodded. :It is best left as a woman to woman conversation. It would sound a bit … coercive were I to explain it.:

I smiled, relieved to have dodged a faux pas and an awkward intimate conversation.

:You seem to have composed yourself.: He winced upon seeing grief flash across my face. The Esteemed stepped toward the door. :I will return you to your grandmother, unless you wish to find your own way.:

:Managing a smile, I nodded and then bowed. :I am capable, yes.: I squared my shoulders and marched ahead of him, into the ballroom.

The dancing flowed around me. While I gained a few curious looks, there was no condemnation in them. Caer Morgana was no Above Sea.

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